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Internet Opera or, The Waves of Cyberspace Home
Words and Music Website Copyright © 2003-2005
u. 13Jul 03
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A lost soul, SEAHAG, fruitlessly works at her rotting sailboat. Her doom is due to her past embrace of the Internet, trapped by the enticing but noxious sailboating newsgroup, "On-sailing'Net-today!". She takes us back in time, connects us, and the members of the newsgroup appear ( The Waves of Cyberspace. ) The now young Seahag tries to follow the sailboat discussions. The highly experienced, genteel and very English PC's attempt to answer a query is drowned out by "GILLIGAN", who twists the discussion to guns and the breeding of the flying monkeys cooked by KATYSAILS. Seahag is perplexed; so Gilligan, TADPOLE and LADY SAILOR explain that in this part of the Internet nothing is what it seems, virtual cruelty runs rampant, and all escape reality ( A Flight of Monkeys Pure ). Seahag is delighted to find herself amongst madmen and is eager to learn (Finishing School ). She becomes the archive of the newsgroup, despite some foreboding from Katysails. PC, infatuated by Katysail's cooking, makes a pass, but is brushed off as a mere bit player. Irritated, he comments on the low standards of correctness on the newsgroup. Tadpole provokes him and gets flamed in return. Gilligan chides PC for inconsistency between his views and his actions, and the newsgroup makes cruel comparisons between PC and their true leader, CAPT. CREEL, a postman, loathed by PC. Gilligan extols Capt Creel's virtues in a barrage of sycophancy (A Heart that's Golden). The newsgroup complains of Capt. Creel's heavy yoke, but Tadpole points out that it’s their own fault: they're all in love with fighting with The Fright'ning Captain Creel. Capt Creel enters, expounding his simple philosophy of manliness, Real Sailing, misogyny and political incorrectness. He regards all as "putzes!", yet bends to his toilsome duty to educate them. But his ecologically appropriate combination of Cedar Bucket and catfish for personal waste disposal (Catfish Row) totally disgusts PC, who also accuses Gilligan and Tadpole of pulling Capt Creel’s strings to make him even more rabid and objectionable. PC leaves, promising retribution. The newsgroup's buffoon BOBSPRIT dances in with his crew, the questionable GHOST GIRLS (Bobsprit's Hornpipe). He describes the electronic and social wonders of his sailboat "Ghost", and states his power-mad desires. But in attempting to challenge Capt Creel, he deflates when confronted by the Cedar Bucket. Capt Creel, departing, takes with him the Ghost Girls, who are smitten by his manliness. Katysails returns. Conscious of the need to clean up the Newsgroup, she ponders how it would be, If Only people were decently behaved on the Internet. Tadpole sneers at the sentiment. The ensuing virtual fight has hardly started when there appears, nattily dressed, a re-invented and plausible PC (The Bold Navigator). He sweeps away the Newsgroup to his pleasant land, boasting he's posted Capt Creel to Cuba. Gilligan and Tadpole, devastated, collapse in despair. |
